April 5th, My New Anniversary

Wow. If I sit still and think about it, I get the shivers. I am married again, the the same woman, forever.  The shivers exists because of where I came from 2 years ago when this whole thing started. It is hard for me to truly believe the distance I’ve traveled and find myself with the same wife. But this time is different.

No longer X or xX, I will call her ReWife. It’s not romantic, but descriptive. I was thinking about how my blog will be different not that I’m married again. I mean, haven’t I found my heart now? Well, the original intent behind finding ‘my heart’ was not a search for a woman. The search was for my true self, my independent self, the man who I wanted to be and the father I could be. I made great strides and in the process, got back together with ReWife. I do love her and want to live out my days with her by my side. But she is not my heart. My heart is not based on someone else. The stronger my heart is, the better I know it, the closer I am to achieving my original goals.

I see where my heart is and sometimes believe I let it slip back to places that hurt me. So my blog continues as a reminder for myself. I am broken, but healing. I am a whole man, but very capable of improvement. I love deeply and find myself still hiding parts of my heart. I am normal.

So I am not running the streets naked with the enthusiasm of a 21 yr old guy who married his first love. I am standing with my shoulders back, happy to have ReWife back at my side, ready to carry the weight of marriage and self-improvement, and wanting to be the best damn man/father/husband I can be.

ReWife, I love you and have loved you for a rather long time. I want the best for us together and I do want you to be happy in this life.

Blogosphere, I give you Mr and Mrs FindingHeart.